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indecisis
14 February 2015 @ 10:32 pm
Ahhhhhhh. I just remembered how much I love the conyuu pairing from Kyou Kara Maou. Oh god I still ship it so hard. I wish it were more popular of a pairing...sigh.
 
 
indecisis
14 February 2015 @ 05:42 am
Ah it's been forever. This website keeps changing every time I come back to it! I'll have to re-learn everything again.

Good news is that I got into the paralegal school that I was applying for last time! I successfully completed to program back in August. Bad news is that I've been searching for a job since then. Well that's the short story of what happened. I'll save the longer story for when I'm not feeling like crap.

I've finally gotten sick again, I think. I'm sort of annoyed because I'm not sure what I'm sick _with_ since it's not progressing like a normal cold would. Which makes me wonder if I actually am sick or not. Augh. It's too complicated to get stressed over but I get stressed over everything, so.

I've been thinking of using livejournal more actively again. I've needed a place to vent, I suppose. And I do miss it. Well the heydays of it. I'm too shy to do it on my tumblr. I've always thought I was incredibly pathetic for being afraid to express myself to the point of not being able to do it _online_. Ugh. I've been trying to be more open on Tumblr, posting replies and my opinions more. It's just hard to stop myself from thinking about how what I say might make someone mad and coming up with all these imaginary scenarios. It's stupid. This and my tumblr are my spaces to be myself. There's no pleasing anyone. So I should at least practice in these places.

I'm waiting to hear back about a job that I interviewed for on Thursday. I should hear about whether I got it by Monday. Part of my hopes I get it because I'm living off my savings right now. I need a source of income. Part of me dreads getting it because it involves a lot of talking on the phone, and I'm shit at it. Shit at it to the point that I got fired from my first full-time paralegal position a week into the job. How pathetic am I?

On my current fandoms...I've been getting back into anime, manga, and jdramas again. It's always nice to come back to old series and see how they've updated since I last checked. This is true for the fan content, too! All those new fics and updates to older ones!

So, in summary, I'm trying to hang in there. I've got a roof over my head, some money still, and a car that works, so life isn't bad. It could always be worse.

I think I'll aim to try and write out my melodrama at least once at week here. It'll also give me an excuse to check in on the communities I'm following. :D
 
 
indecisis
11 December 2013 @ 10:34 pm
Writing a personal statement for the first time in about 6 years. Oh god. And the word limit is 150. When I first read that I thought it had to have been a typo, that they really meant 1500 words.

HOW DO I CONVINCE THEM TO ACCEPT ME IN 150 WORDS.

I MUST NOW ENROLL IN AN ALCHEMY COURSE SO THAT I CAN LEARN HOW TO DISTILL THE ESSENCE THAT IS ME TO SUCH A DEGREE.
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indecisis
07 September 2013 @ 11:04 am
So I've found myself back at my Aunt's house after two rather jarring weeks back at home. I say jarring because my mother and I had two arguments, the second of which was quite nasty, especially because we never fight. But that's something everyone has to accept eventually, the fact that their parents are as imperfect and flawed as any other human being. I recognized that quality in my father long ago, but never really brought myself to confront the truth of my mother.

Needless to say the relevations of just how depressed (and depressing) my mother has become made me want to high tail it out of my hometown earlier than the planned two weeks, but I stayed the course. My disillusionment further prompted me to want to try and live with my aunt and try to find a job in her city rather than with my uncle. But my aunt called me on my bullshit cowardance so now I'm going to head back home late next week. My father's third wedding is soon, afterall. And I already was unable to make it for his birthday last week since I'm up here helping out with my grandmother after her surgery. But she's much better now.

....I still want to stay with my aunt though. She promised if I tried down there and didn't have any luck/began to hate life that in a year I could live with her.

So I've also been trying to shake my college sleeping schedule for almost a month now to no avail. I really need to get my shit together because my failure in this task is really starting to make me feel worthless. Ugh. (I will never be a morning person).

Most of my nights have been dedicated to reacquinting myself with Gintama. I forgot how much I enjoyed this series! I found where I left off on the anime (the cat arc) and just fibsihed up with the Four Devas arc. Also I really, really wish I could have seen the second movie when it aired! Though I've sort of been spoiled by some heartbreaking fanart that I've come across for it. ;_;
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Current Mood: awakeawake
 
 
indecisis
09 May 2013 @ 03:12 am

Especially right at 1:50. Chills.
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indecisis
28 April 2013 @ 03:18 am
I'm still alive, of course. Though I've recently fallen into a bit of a depression of sorts. As my graduation looms over me I am sort of overwhelmed. It's always hard changing tracks in your life. Going to try my best to work through this and see it through to the end. (It hasn't helped that I've been drowning my sorrows and fears in dramas lately, orz).
 
 
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: HOPE - Hidarime Tantei EYE OST
 
 
indecisis
24 March 2011 @ 08:09 am
So it's spring break of my third year in college. It's a week long break, which generally sucks in and of itself, but is made all the worse by the fact that I've gotten rather ill for it. I got sick last Saturday and thought it to be a general cold, but two days ago I got an ear infection too. Thus I had to go to urgent care and go through the motions there. Last night the left side of my face was hurting, and now it hurts still. Hopefully I haven't developed a sinus infection TOO.

In other news, I've caught up on season 2 of The Listener, which I grateful has a second season after NBC ditched it in the USA. I've also been looking at various fanfic from assorted fandoms of my past, namely Star Trek, and image hunting on tumblr.

I had a horrible nightmare last night, which is one reason why I hate getting sick. I always have nightmares when sick. ALWAYS. D': I started out going shopping for something in a small store but I crawled up some of displayed merchandise by climbing over the actual products, and broke it. (I was trying to get to the second floor, and they were arranged like stairs) I also ruined both the product and the stand. The product was a bunch of minecraft-sized pastel blocks of sherbert and the ones I ruined were colored a soft blue. I got up from the floor and saw the two irate owners come at me and made sure to let them know, "I'll pay for this." And I did.

They wouldn't let me leave until I paid up (not that I tried to leave) and the bill was exactly $3000. Which was about the amount I had left in my account, but I wasn't sure how much I had left in the account so I wanted to hurry back home to check my account before anything bounced. Also I had broke something earlier in my dream too and said I would pay for that but I don't remember what it was or where I was.

So I get back to my home, which is this weird hybrid house/dorm for college and my roommates are mostly there and I'm going to my laptop to check my accounts. Turns out I had enough but only just; I only had $7.08 left in my account. I was both relieved and horrified because both my parents were tight on cash in my dream (as they are in real life) and I hadn't even bought my new textbooks yet. So I kept telling myself  stuff like "it's okay I'll just really have to get a job," "I'll borrow the textbooks from the library rather than buy them," and "I'll have to tel my parents in the meantime to get by." And I also was generally thinking that I wasn't going to be able to eat much at all anymore other than when my roommates shared (which they every so often do in real life) with me. And I tried to look at the postive side and thought to myself, "At least this way I'll lose some weight, right?" But I wasn't really convinced.

And then things got worse. After I checked my checking account my coomputer restarted itself. (It had done this the night before this dream when I had walked out of my room to get some water for medicines and I was scared I had gotten a virus somewhere, but I didn't) My laptop, which is essential for college work, had gotten a virus and I had only a set amount of time everytime it restarted to do thigns on the computer before the virus took over and restarted the computer again. I figured out eventually that I had twenty minutes, but it wasn't really twenty minutes, it was much faster than that so I think my dream self was wrong on that count.

So I would try to beat the virus before it restarted my computer by activating my anitvirus software, only it never worked. Or I never got to it in time. And there was one time that the virus restarted my computer with an older Operating System which was a knockoff of Windows XP. In that version everything was outdated, including my virus software, so it didn't work.

So eventually I gave up on trying to catch the virus and pulled out my USB drive to try and save some of the data that was important to me, namely the fanfics I had recently saved and my bookmarks on Firefox. Only I kept failing. And I was filled with a terror the entire time that if I put the USB drive in that then I would have the virus on that too, which would therefore proceed to re-infect my computer again after I reformatted it or got a new one.

And at one point on of my roommates came by and was totally cheery and not picking up on my panic and we talked a little while I was still trying to save those files on the USB. But when the roommate went away I accidentally hit my USB with my right arm/elbow and bent it, so it wasn't fitting back in the USB slot. So I had to fix it so it would fit. It turned into this clay-like substance and I had to mold it correctly but first I made the connecting part too small and pinched.

Eventually I made it work again but still was failing at saving anything.

That's all I remember. What a terrible dream it was, and I feel lame-o now that I'm describing it.

I'm going to attempt a nap now. THIS HAS BEEN AN ATTEMPTED POST.
 
 
Current Location: bed
Current Mood: sicksick
 
 
indecisis
I'm writing this hot and piping out of my head, even though I doubt I'll write it, or have time to write it. Also so far I just have this basic premise for the story in my head. I'm not experienced in writing the aftermath of a scene, or really connecting the scenes. I'm better at just writing the scenes I think of and then being done with it.

IT'S ANALOGOUS TO THIS: I JUST HAD SEX WITH YOU. BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO NEXT AND AM AFRAID OF COMMITMENT. SO I MAYBE HAVE A CIGARETTE AND THEN LEAVE BEFORE THE MORN DAWNS. YOU GET NO CUDDLING. NO FLUFF. JUST POST-COITAL ANGST.

So yeah. It's like that. And so I have ideas sometimes, but never really turn them into stories.

LIEK THIS ONE I JUST HAD TONIGHT, SET IN NU!VERSE

For nu!Kirk, Tarsus IV never happened.Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: Ruined Sparkling City - Drammatica - The Very Best of Yoko Shimomura
 
 
indecisis
14 October 2009 @ 11:55 pm
Augh. Life is harsh. Study, go to class, study, go to class, maybe sleep. Don't forget to eat. Do forget to keep up your room. Do fail to study everything properly because you are a moron.

*headdesk*
 
 
indecisis
14 July 2009 @ 02:09 am

Your results:
You are Spock
































Spock
77%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)
75%
An Expendable Character (Redshirt)
75%
Jean-Luc Picard
70%
Geordi LaForge
65%
Deanna Troi
65%
Chekov
60%
Beverly Crusher
60%
Uhura
55%
Data
52%
James T. Kirk (Captain)
50%
Mr. Sulu
45%
Mr. Scott
40%
Worf
35%
Will Riker
30%
You are skilled in knowledge and logic.
You believe that the needs of the many
outweigh the needs of the few.


Click here to take the "Which Star Trek character are you?" quiz...


So yeah. Lol THAT'S THAT.
 
 
Current Mood: hyperhyper